If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
