just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
a search helicopter?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
