ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
