I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
