I didn't shave. On purpose
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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