I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
