we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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