No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
