She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
