Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
