I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
