My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
