You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
