Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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