found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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