the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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