my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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