yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
