first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Randomize
