Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ugly people sure do ruin things
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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