I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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