is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
