I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
