I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i think my cat just said my name.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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