I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
