how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
