Your tits are I can't wait for
Barsexuality is the new black.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
