Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
