Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
