and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
