The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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