sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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