There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
