i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
