I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
