As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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