She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
try to milk me bitch
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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