Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
