my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
