i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
