party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
