i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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