She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
worst night to have a conscience
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
