mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
