his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
