All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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