My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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