oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
