but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
