what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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