im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
